Tonight is the wake and tomorrow is the funeral for my grandfather. I hate going to funerals (really, who likes them?), and thankfully I’ve only been to a handful so far. I’ve been trying to think about why I hate them so much…I mean I’ve come to peace with my grandfather’s passing (which of course doesn’t mean I’m still not very sad), so why am I dreading it?
It hit me while I was driving back to work yesterday…I hate funerals because everyone is so sad. Seriously. I’m a very happy person most of the time…when I was little my dad would call me “smiley” because I smiled all the time. I don’t deal well with sad situations. I understand that we all have bad times, but I have a hard time being around people that are sad or miserable all the time (which makes being around my severely depressed mother very difficult when she’s not taking her medicine). And of course you won’t find any happy people at a funeral (if you do, the dead person must have had some serious enemies).
It’s also hard for me to see people that are usually happy so sad. It’s also very hard for me to see people who have been so strong in my life sad and crying (my dad, my uncle and my aunt). I understand they have emotions…it’s just hard to see my dad, whom I’ve only seen cry a handful of times, crying. That might sound messed up but it’s how I feel.
I will get through the next couple of days…we are having a picnic tonight with all the family, and then tomorrow after the funeral there will be a reception. It will be very nice to gather with everyone and remember Beepa.
Thank you for all the well wishes I have received…it’s been so nice to write my feelings here and get the support you all have given me!
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11 comments:
Good luck today and tomorrow.
I'll be thinking of you today and tomorrow :)
my condolances. however, you can still shine some happiness by countering sadness, when appropriate, with happy stories of better times. my husbands step-great grandmother (did you catch that) was super nice and lived into her 90's she never treated me any different cause i was just a spouse of a step-kid. not like others in the family. that's another story. i was not sad, well i was sad, but i was happy because she was in a better place and no longer in pain. that's important. when she was in some of her last months, she got near gangrene and we sent her flowers once a week in the hospital, and she took the time to write a THANK YOU NOTE. I saved it and included it in my husband's memory book along with her obituary and funeral program. people were sad, but she had lived a long, good life and didnt have bad words for anyone. try and keep that in perspective.
Deep condolences on your loss...
I, too, have been fortunate to have been to very few funerals in my life. And yet, while I'm a big sap who will cry at commercials, I seem to freeze at funerals. Not a single tear to date. Granted, nobody who has been all those close to me has passed, thank goodness.
But I'll never forget at my grandfather's funeral, three years ago yesterday, the Rabbi forgot to mention my sister when he went over "all" his grandkids. Uh, all three of us. Yeah, we were tight.
Anyhow, like I said... my deepest sympathies.
I'm sorry for your loss. I too hate funerals but if you don't go then if feels that person is still out there somewhere and it really isn't real. My grandma died last year (she was in a home due to alzheimer's - sure I spelled that wrong) and I wasn't able to go to her funeral in Missouri. I still occasionally wonder how she's doing then. . .
I am so sorry to hear about your grandfather. I avoid funerals at all costs - just for this reason. I've been fortunate to have not had many to attend yet in my life. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
I have never seen my dad cry. Never. I don't know what it would do to me to see that. I'll be thinking about you and I hope you get through the funeral ok.
Will be thinking of you today and tomorrow and of course the days after. The funerals are so very sad, but at the same time it's "closure" for all. Close one life here on earth and join another in heaven.
Be the strength for your dad, you aunt and uncle. You all feel the loss and soon like lil mouse said, bring some joy by telling about a fond memory or something funny you remember. You will be amazed at how fast the saddness turns to warm memories for all to cherish.
I have been to way to many over the years, and the more funerals you go to does not make it any easier. I know it is hard, but maybe you can be the ray of happiness that everyone needs. Celebrate the happy memories and good time, and help the rest of your family to see them too.
I totally missed your post the other day saying that your grandfather had passed. I'm so sorry for your loss. My condolensces go out to you and your family.
You will get through the next couple of days, but they won't be easy. I totally agree with you about not liking funerals. I hope things are better than you are anticipating. Best of wishes.
I somehow missed this. I am so sorry about your grandfather, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
I just want to give you a hug, because I 100% relate to you on everything-including the depressed mom. And I know that seeing those strong people in your life broken down is hard, but I honestly believe it's things like this that make YOU stronger.
I really wish you the best in dealing not only with your loss, but with all the sad people too. Take care.
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