Alone Time With Each Child...

The one thing I was always worried about with having multiple kids is not being able to give good one-on-one attention to any child after the first. You see it in almost every family, including my own growing up…my poor sisters didn’t get hardly any alone time with either of my parents, let alone both of them together…it’s just a fact of life. When you have your first, at least for us, every waking second was spent with that child. Taking them with you places was a piece of cake and fun…we took Kylie grocery shopping, out to dinner, shopping, etc…you name it, she went with us.

But once Josh came along, life got crazier. Having two kids was a lot more difficult to take places…one was in a carrier, and the other needed to be buckled into a car seat every time. And at home, one needed constant watching, while the other wanted constant attention. And then once the third came around…forget it! We were officially outnumbered!

But surprisingly, I’m very happy with how we have been able to give a good amount of one-on-one attention to each of the kids, at least by one parent. Take last night for example…Kylie and Ryan had gone to bed, but because Josh had taken such a good nap, he didn’t go to bed until I did, and even then he came up in my bed with me to snuggle. He and I were able to talk about some very important things (why we celebrate Christmas and Easter), and we were able to get in some good snuggle time. And since he’s the first boy, John spends a lot of alone time with him…watching sports on TV, playing hockey or football in the playroom or outside, and going to CBJ games. While they do those things, Kylie is usually off reading or playing school, and I’m able to have some one-on-one time with Ryan…playing with him and laughing with him. He still goes to bed pretty early, so once he’s down, Kylie and I are able to read together or play school.

So thankfully, so far, we have been able to make each child feel important and not just lump them all together. But it’s not easy…it has definitely taken a conscious effort on our part! It would be so easy for me to just plop in front of the TV when Kylie’s playing by herself and Ryan has gone to bed. And as tempting as that is, I know there will plenty of time for that in about 10 years :)

NYC Recap...

Phew! I’m back and it feels so good to be home!

Despite being up for 20 hours on Monday, and checking into my hotel room only to find it was under maintenance and having to go all the way back down and get another room and move my stuff, and sitting through some of the most boring presenters I’ve ever heard, and despite having a long day yesterday with more all-day speakers and then traveling home, I had a good time in NYC :)

This is the official "ball" that will drop New Year's Eve 2009:




We walked to Rockefeller Center and partially saw the tree – they had it covered by scaffolding and we missed the great unveiling by one day! And Shakira was giving a concert on the ice rink, but we didn’t stay to see it because no one knew exactly what time she was going to be there and we were hungry!

Rockefeller Center:

My hotel was awesome (even though the service was not so great), and the conference was really good (although, like I said, some of the presenters could use some public speaking lessons). I had an awesome view out of my window, got to meet up with an old friend, and then got to go shopping sans kids and have a very nice dinner with my boss. I really had a good time and honestly, except for having a hard time shopping because I kept feeling like I didn’t have time to just be browsing (is that what having kids does to us?), I was able to enjoy myself and really appreciate the “me” time. My boss and I actually walked through Saks 5th Avenue where we stopped at several cosmetic counters and over-enthusiastic girls kept trying to sell me $200 eye cream. Do you know the last time I did that??? I was in college!

The view from my hotel room:

While at first I was sad to leave, a couple of things happened that made me happy to get on a plane and return to my Midwest city:

1.) I realized that NYC people, in general, are rude (when compared to what I'm used to in my Midwestern state)! I especially saw this as grown men cut in front of me in the drink line at lunch. I said something to my boss, who is from the east coast, and she told me it’s normal for them to do that. So I guess if everyone is from the city, then it’s no big deal, but for this Midwestern girl, who spends so much time and energy teaching her kids to be polite and not cut in front of people in line, it was a shock!

2.) I had the worst cab ride ever back to the airport! This guy honked his horn for no reason (no one was moving, so there was no where for us to go), almost hit several people, and kept slamming on the breaks. I felt so sick by the time we got to the airport!

When I got home last night the kids were so excited to see me! I got a ton of hugs and kisses. Ryan surprised me…he smiled and put his arms out for me, but then he just wanted to watch and play football! The kids loved the presents I got for them…Joshie got a lot of my conference freebies – a football, some golf balls, and some pens and paper. I got Kylie an American Girl book – Meet Molly, who was my favorite American Girl when I was little and read the books (although back then there were only 3 girls, now there are a ton!). I gave Ryan one of the little stress balls I had gotten at the conference.

Kylie and I read some of her book (what a difference a year makes…I had gotten her the Meet Kit book last summer and it was still pretty difficult for her to read, but she is flying through her Meet Molly book!), and then I put them all to bed. I started preparing for our house church on Friday, and then I realized that I could hear Joshie moving around a lot upstairs. I went up to check on him and he was wide awake! I guess he’s been taking super naps during the day, so he’s not tired when Kylie goes to bed. So I brought him down, he ate a snack (a whole pack of carrots and a whole big granola bar!) and he watched some football. After a while I told him I was going up to bed and he told me he wanted to snuggle with me! He never does that…he always wants to stay down with John. So he and I went upstairs, and he wrapped my arms around him and feel right asleep. It was pure heaven for me!

So while the trip was wonderful, I’m OK with not going back for a while :) I do hope that the next time I go back I’m able to go with John. He and I would have so much fun in that city! Someday…probably when an $800 hotel bill for 2 nights doesn’t scare us anymore :)

NYC...

I have had a great time here in New York so far...the conference yesterday was informative, and then last night I got to meet up with a friend from college. We went to a fabulous, local restaurant where I had the best fried chicken I've ever had!

Today it has been more conferences, and then the whole thing will end at 3:00. Then I will get to go out and explore the city. The view from my hotel room is Times Square...I can see "the ball" (you know, the one that drops on New Year's Eve?), and all of the TVs light up my room. The weather here is great (especially for November)...it's sunny and in the mid to high 50's.

Tomorrow is another conference and then I get to go home. I miss the kiddos, of course, but the excitement of being here has helped me not think about them every second :)

Leaving on a Jet Plane...

Tomorrow morning (at 6:00 AM to be exact), I will be on a plane headed for NYC. I have a conference there for three days, and then I'll be heading home.

I'm excited to travel...I only get to about once per year with my job, and what better place is there than New York City? But I am going to miss my kids a ton...how am I going to go three days without seeing them?

I'm hoping that I will be so busy with my seminars and then site-seeing that I will forget about missing them, but I doubt it...it didn't work last year :(

Stop and Enjoy...

The other day I was behind this car that was going slower than I wanted to go. I was in a hurry…I had gotten held-up at work and I was going to be about 25 minutes late relieving our nanny. And I’m never late for her…I respect her time, and even though I had called her and told her I was late, I still felt horrible. But anyway, this car was going the actual speed limit…not even 5 MPH above. I noticed that an older gentleman was driving the car, and I immediately realized he probably didn’t have anywhere he had to be anytime soon…he didn’t have a nanny to get home to, or kids. Then I thought back to what my life was like before kids…it didn’t matter if I needed to stay late at work…I don’t think I would have even called John if I was only going to be 25 minutes late…I would have to be an hour late in order to warrant a call to him.

Then I started to think about the future…I wondered how it would get back to how it was before kids…will it happen gradually? Will all of the kids get older and soon they would be old enough to care for themselves and not need me to call or rush home? Or will it not happen until my youngest leaves for college and all of a sudden…BAM! No need to call home because no one is there to answer the phone.

These experiences remind me that this time will go quickly, and whether it is in fact gradual, or all of a sudden, my kids will be gone before I know it, and I will no longer have anyone to rush home to (OK, I will have John, but I’m sure he will welcome the opportunity to stay at work since is adores what he does so much).

The trick is trying to find a way to slow down and appreciate the time…any suggestions? I’m desperately trying…but as all of you mothers know, days are filled with routines that involve school, work, homework, meal-cooking, cleaning, and other normal activities. Along with the normal annoyances that kids bring that I will one day miss (there will be a day that no one asks me for juice warmed up with warm water).

I’m scared of my future without kids…I think that’s why I want a lot of them, so that when the youngest finally leaves the house, I really will be too tired to be sad :) I know that John and I will have fun…we have all kinds of plans for retirement, which is why we started having kids so young. But a huge part of what defines me is being a mom, and while I know I always will be one, the importance of me gradually dies down as my kids get older.

So I pray that I remember to stop and enjoy more often. And that I stop trying to hurry everything up, because I know that I’m quickly approaching the point in my life where I will desperately want everything to slow down.

Front Porch Monday, Front Porch Wednesday, Whatever The Heck it's Called Now...

Last night was a crazy good night!

I got home and Kylie and Josh were CRAZY! They were so hyper! But it was so good to see Kylie feeling better…she had gone to school and had a fantastic day.

I made dinner while Ky and Josh played tag with occasional breaks on the couch…our house has not been that crazy loud in a long time :)

After dinner the kids and I made cookies and then the kids got ready for bed. Joshie really wanted to watch the end of the hockey game, but it was “go to bed early night” (aka, front porch Monday moved to Wednesday), so we let him watch it up in his room (we have a TV in there because it is more of a guest room because he sleeps in with Kylie 99% of the time). Kylie slept in there too, but was asleep within 5 minutes of lying down.

So John and I used our “front porch Monday” time to work on the material for our house church on Friday. We are studying the book “Men are Like Waffles, Women are like Spaghetti,” and this week we are reading about how men process life and how women process life (men in boxes like waffles, and women in life-connections like spaghetti). We are also reading about how important communication is, and how important listening is to our communication. We came up with some activities for the couples to do and with some real-life examples from our marriage to use in order to help get some of the points across to everyone.

We had a lot of fun doing this, and as a result, didn’t end up finishing up and going to bed until 11:30, which is super late for me lately!

I love working on this stuff with John…I love having projects with him. We used to do a lot of projects before we had kids…we would do everything together. We would paint, do yard work, shop, etc., but once we had kids, obviously someone has to stay back and watch the kids, so there aren’t many things that we work on together anymore. But this is a big project, and every week we’re forced to work on it together, and I think it’s really helping to strengthen our marriage even more!

Cleanliness...

People who know John know that he is a bit of a neat freak. I honestly can’t remember if I’ve talked about it at all on here, but most people that know us has heard me complain about it more than once.

He has always been super organized…when we first got married he kept every “important” paper we had in a neat place, and he always paid our bills and kept everything super organized. But as far as actual cleaning, I was the one that was crazy about it…my kitchen floors always had to be spotless (I always wanted to be able to walk around without shoes on and not get my socks dirty) and I didn’t want dust anywhere. We would often fight because I felt like I was spending so much time cleaning while he was watching TV.

And then we had kids, and I relaxed a little. I knew that kids make messes and get toys out, and I just didn’t have the energy to keep up with everything all the time. Thankfully when Josh was born, we finally bit the bullet and hired someone to clean our house because it was just not getting done.

And then we moved, and John went into overdrive. I know psychologically it was the new house…he wanted to keep it nice and take care of it. I have since realized that this is an area where he feels success in (which is extremely important for men to feel in order to be comfortable and happy in a relationship). Unfortunately, he seemed to be getting progressively worse.

For a while, he vacuumed almost everyday. Then he went and spent a ridiculous amount on a vacuum (trust me, a dyson doesn’t even come close). He believes that since the kids have a playroom, there is absolutely no need for any of their toys to ever leave that playroom. He steam cleaned the kitchen floor almost daily, and the toys of Ryan’s that are in the family room were always pushed back neatly against the wall.

We were back to having serious conflicts, only this time it was me trying to get him to lighten up and him trying to get me to help him out more. I can’t tell you how many times we fought about this…and I feel like he expects so much of the kids! I mean they are just kids, right?

So we’ve talked and talked, and I think he understands where I am coming from, and I understand and respect how he feels. Making the kids clean up their playroom each night is not a lot to ask. And I definitely don’t want to raise slobs, so after discussing it with him I completely agreed that the kids need to learn how to clean up after themselves. And I make a lot more effort to keep all of my stuff picked up, even though if I lived by myself the stuff would stay where it’s at. And John has lightened up on his cleaning. He only cleans the floor about 1 or 2 times per week, and only vacuums once a week or every-other week (which is still in addition to the bi-weekly cleaning we have done).

BUT….I am spoiled, and I realize that every time I talk to any of my friends. Every morning when I leave for work, the dishes are all done, the counters are clean, and the whole main level is picked up. I never have to worry about inviting people over because our house is almost always clean and picked up. And nothing is ever shoved anywhere…you can always open our closets without fear of anything falling on you :) John really does a fantastic job of keeping our house clean and comfortable. I know that I am super lucky to have such a great husband!