Thursday, February 22, 2007

Wow, I can’t believe I’m going through this, but for the sake of my sanity, and to not be bullied, I have to write a post about this. Now I know some of you may already have sides on this, some of you have no idea what’s going on and will be surprised, and still others of you will not care (which is pretty much how I felt up until now). As a background and this may surprise some of you, I have a very hot temper. I fly off the handle very easily, at the littlest things. So I’m very proud of myself and how I’ve kept my cool regarding this whole thing.

There’s a blog that I used to read. I felt that I was always positive and supportive, although of all the blogs I read, I disagreed with the views and thoughts of this one the most. However, I always thought that I was polite and positive. Either I was wrong or this lady is just picking on me.

I visited this post and posted a comment regarding the post, and, at least in my opinion I just stated my thoughts while respecting other view points (please correct me if I’m wrong). Then the following comment was made:

“I know I resent very much being told I'm a lazy parent, taking the "Easy Way Out" by using time-outs. This was an agonizing decision for us, one that was well thought out and talked about extensively with professionals. My children do not need to be spanked to be productive citizens.”

I considered this a huge slap in the face and I couldn’t figure out why in the world someone would respond with such malice. I decided to just walk away (insert the fact here that she had sent me some e-mail about how I was wrong in my thoughts or something, I was too angry at this time to really pay attention to it). She also at this time made her blog password protected…I’m starting to think it was to keep me out? I have no idea, but I knew that I had no desire to read it anymore, so I went on with my life.

A couple of days ago I read this post. Now, no matter what someone has done to me, I would never wish anything bad on anyone, I was sad for her and I hated that I had no idea what was wrong, but I said a little prayer for her and her family and moved on.

Fast forward to today, during lunch, I was going through my blog favorites and accidentally clicked on her blog (I hadn't deleted if from my internet favorites yet...I'm a little behind in keeping those up), and was surprised when it came up without requiring a password. So I read through it wanting to know what was wrong and was very sad to see what she was dealing with in her life. I actually even almost commented about how sorry I was for her and what she was going through. But then I read her most recent post, and my sadness turned to pure anger.

This is the part of the post that really hurt me:

“We have got to figure out what our discipline style is going to be, especially since after long discussions with our therapist and with each other, we decided to try the “no spanking” route. How we arrived at that decision would be a post in itself but in a nutshell, I just couldn’t wrap my mind around telling my children not to hit (and both were hitting at school quite a bit) all the while I was hitting them. Luckily, HP is open minded enough to try this with me. It’s important for both parents to be on the same page, don’t you think? {Now, I was told in the comments on another blog, indirectly, that I am a lazy parent for using time outs instead of spanking. If you want to make that kind of comment here, let me invite you to take a flying leap off your nearest tall building so I don’t have to waste my time coming over and bitch-slapping you. Thanks so much.}”

What??? So, I decided I have had enough. I posted the following comment:

“I didn't reply to any of your comments or e-mails before because I was trying to be civil, but this is the last straw for me. You need to read everything that someone reads and not just take certain words out of context. If I were to do that I could make it look like the entire world was against me.

My exact quote was (which was not on your blog or directed at you in any way, and I have no idea why you would think it was): "I know I'll probably get attacked with this, but discipline, no matter what it is, is hard work. And sometimes I believe that parents take the easy way out with "time-outs". I'm definitely not saying this is the case with all parents, but I know quite a few that do the time-out thing just to get their child to stop and out of their hair. Did the child learn anything? Nope. They were doing it again an hour later. My kids equate bad behavior with spankings, and that punishment, for them, is a lot worse than a time-out."

What about the words "sometimes", and "I'm definitely not saying this is the case with all parents" did you not think pertained to you?

I could go on and on, but it's not worth my time. It's not fair for you to pick apart something I said when you either 1.) Didn't read the whole thing, or 2.) Chose to ignore my clarifications. And if something I said really bothered you, the adult thing to do would have been to confront me, not make offhanded comments about it that you knew I would read.

For those of you that would like to read my comment in its entirety and make your own judgment on what I was saying, here's the link:

I had a feeling she would delete the comment, so I went back to check, and surprise, surprise, the site is password protected again. I won’t be bullied and I wanted to state my case on my own blog, so that’s why I posted about it.

I’m honestly just in total shock because I’ve never been someone that people attack, I’m usually the peacekeeper. But if there’s someone out there that’s going to challenge my opinions when I’ve never tried to force them on anyone, well, I had to say my piece. No one should ever be attacked just because they don’t believe the same things as you do, and for goodness sakes, if you’re going to attack someone, at least read everything they have written so that your attack looks substantiated.

And now I’m done.


Anonymous said...

Wow...her little dig was SO uncalled for and I'd be furious. Someone has an issue...speak up! Don't be all 10th grade about it.

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to let you know you're comment was deleted at CPA Mom.

Happy Working Mom said...

I knew it would be deleted...that's why I put my post up. I think it's important for both sides of anything to be heard.

Rachel said...

Well, I read both of your blogs and will continue to do so. I agree that if there was an issue you should speak up, but, at the same time, blogs are public and people have a right to express their feelings, directly or indirectly.

Lawyer Mama said...

Wow, I'm famous now! Sorry for all the debate, but your post here makes it sound like *I* was somehow attacking you and your decision, since all of the links are to my blog. I don't think that was the case if you read my follow up comment to your comment.

I like having debates on my blog, or I wouldn't post about controversial subjects, but I'd appreciate some clarification in your current post. Thanks so much.