Friday, February 09, 2007

It's Good To Cry

I haven’t cried in a while.

Last night the tears poured uncontrollably.

They poured because I never feel like I’m giving my kids enough.

They poured for this and this

They poured for the 21 month-old that was coming back from Disney that has brain cancer and has 2 weeks to live.

They poured because that same baby was going to miss a connecting flight to get it home, and it only had enough morphine to last until midnight. If they missed their plane, there wasn’t another one until today.

They poured because hubby and I haven’t talked in a long time and there’s a lot built up.

They poured because finally, at 11:30 last night hubby and I talked.

I told him about this and this

I told him about the little baby with brain cancer, and how he’s about the same age as our son.

I told him that I constantly battle whether or not I should work or stay home.

I told him that I don’t love my job enough to work at home…every night.

I told him that I feel like life could easily go on without me, but if anything ever happened to him, we would be screwed.

He held me.

He told me he needs to do a better job of showing appreciation towards me.

He held me.

I fell asleep without a heavy weight on my heart for the first time in months.


Danielle Meehan said...

Oh hon, sometimes you need to cry and get it all out.
Life would never go on without you, your kids depend on you and your husband needs you. Who would he go to on the nights that he needs to be held?
Hope the tears helped and that the weekend brings brighter thoughts.

Kellie said...

I'm sad that you feel this way. You always come off as so happy and worry free and I was wrong in assuming you lived that way. For that, I aplogize.

I wish there was something I could do or say to make you feel better. Get it out. Like you did last night.

I hope last night opened doors to help you not worry. To not cry. To not have a heavy weight. I'm where you are/were and it's terrible.

Smile....we all love you :)

Julie said...

Sounds like you got a lot of needed things off your chest. A good cry is a nice tension reliever now and then. To echo what Danielle said - life would not just go on without you. You are very important to your family - even if they don't express that to you know that you are. Sounds like hubby got a good start at showing you how much you are appreciated though.

I had not heard the story about the 21 month old with brain cancer. That is just awful. Everytime I hear about young child with life threatening diseases I thank God for my healthy children. Health is something we all take for granted - until it's taken away from us.

Amy W said...

I hadn't heard about the 21 month old either. I cried at work reading your links.

We all need a good cry. And we all question if we should work or stay at home, it comes and goes for me. I could give you a thousand reasons to work and a thousand reasons to stay at home, but you have to do what is good for and your family. Be happy in life, regardless of working or not.

Rachel said...

You just totally made me cry. I'm very glad that you did talk to your husband about how your feeling. Keeping all that inside will just make things worse. Everyone needs to cry sometimes.

I wish that I had talked more with my husband and maybe we wouldn't be in the situation we are in now, which, hopefully will be changing after all.

Lawyer Mama said...

Reading those links just tore me up. I go back and forth on the guilt thing too. There just aren't enough hours in the day or years in a lifetime are there?

Kelly M said...

I agree with all the others...sometimes this is necessary...and it helps to get it all out! I hope you are feeling better!!