A Letter of Confession

To My Little Princess,
Last night you had your final gymnastics class of the session…but you weren’t sad, and you told me “it’s OK Mommy, we’re signing up for Buckeye Gymnastics next.” I laughed – you are always so right!

You were so proud out there doing all the cute little gymnastics moves that you are working so hard to master. I see your independent personality come out as I want to show you how to do everything…I’ve done it, I know how! But you are set on teaching yourself; and making up your own moves. You were so proud of the ribbon that you got…it’s just like Carly’s! I told you I would put it in your scrapbook :)

You are so attention deprived right now, and my little angel is not always my little angel because I have to cook dinner, and Daddy is playing with your brother…because he’s a boy, and he’s finally old enough to enjoy the stuff Daddy enjoys playing – you do whatever you can to get our attention. I ask you to help me cook, and you do a great job…sometimes I get impatient, and I’m a perfectionist, and when you get distracted I quickly do as much as I can so that it can get done fast, instead of cherishing the moments I have with you. You are starting to notice this. And it makes you mad.

You wanted to help me bake Daddy’s birthday cake, but I quickly did that while you were downstairs too. I told you that you could help me frost it, but by the time it was cool enough you had to go to bed. But I let you help a little.

You lied to me last night, and I heard Daddy yelling at you, very loudly for it. My heart was broken…I wanted to run up and say “it doesn’t matter, don’t yell at my princess.” But I knew a lesson had to be taught. You are such a good girl, and I know it’s because these lessons are taught.

Every day I promise myself that I will let all of the work go, and just play with you. But there’s always something else…how can I make myself stop? God, please help me stop! You shouldn’t be so excited when I say I’m going to play with you…it should be an expectation of yours that is constantly met.

I’m pretty sure you know how much I love you…I tell you all the time – at least I do that right. And there are always lots of hugs and kisses. I do that right too.

I’m going to try, even harder, from now on, to enjoy every second that I have with you pretty princess. I know I dream of you being one of the rare teenagers that actually likes her mother, but in case that doesn’t happen, I only have about 8 more years of you left, and I want to make the most of each and every second of those. I love you so much, and my heart is breaking just writing this…to know how much I have failed you, and you’re only 3 ½. But I’m trying, and I know that I can do it…it just takes a lot of work! Will you help me? Help me to remember that the dishes will be there later, and if we have to eat food out of a box it won’t kill us; but you - you won’t always be there for me to play with. And I always tease you that the only reason I had kids was to give me someone to play with. I'm only half-kidding when I tease you.

I love you pretty princess!

Love,
Mommy