When people give blogging awards, sometimes I like to go and check out the blogs of the recipients. The other day, Amy W. gave out an award and I had some extra time so I went and looked at some of them. My life hasn’t been the same since that day.
I clicked on Life with Hannah and Lily. I read through her archives about the loss of her daughter Hannah, and absolutely lost it. And I was at work. Crying my eyes out. I just keep thinking about what would happen if I lost my sweet little girl (or my son for that matter, but it’s been easier to relate to this woman when I think about it being my daughter).
That night I went home with a determination that I would spend the entire night with my kids. That I wouldn’t get so frustrated over the littlest things. That I would give them even more hugs and kisses throughout the night. And tell them “I love you” so many times.
The next day at work I read some more, and definitely cried some more. Again I went home that night with a purpose of just being there for my kids. Last night I realized that I wanted to change my whole outlook towards everyone. Even people that when I hear their name I normally cringe – I was softening towards.
Throughout the posts, she states that she gets a lot of comfort knowing that people’s lives are being changed because of what happened to her daughter. I am definitely one of those people. I think it’s awesome for her to say that, because I don’t think I could be that big. I think I would be selfish, and not care about anyone else’s lives...but she also says that you never know how you’ll act or feel until it happens, which I’m sure is true.
I hope this feeling inside of me lasts…I hope that I can remember that I never know how long I get to keep the people in my life, and to make the most of each moment. I need to make sure that when I’m upset with my kids or “yelling” at them, it’s because I’m teaching them to be better people and how to be disciplined, and that I’m not just being impatient or selfish.
It’s weird, I’ve read a bunch of blogs of women that have lost babies or other loved ones, and I’ve always been very sad. But this one is different…I can’t explain the feeling I have inside every time I think of that sweet princess…a little girl I never met has truly changed me.
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I read through some of her archives and lost it, too. I can't imagine.
I like the new outlook thing and am certainly going to adopt it, too!!
I love the outlook you've adopted. My father battled cancer last year and it made me really realize how short life is. I often tell myself the same things... you never know how long you have these people in your life for. Enjoy every minute and love them with all your might.
I can't bring myself to go to that blog, I was in tears just reading yours.
I totally understand your new "outlook" on life though. I don't like being the type that always says "oh yeah I have done that, yeah it happened to me etc," but this time I can honestly relate.
When my brother in law passed away it totally changed my outlook. I got rid of some demons that were haunting me, even tho I didn't realize, and it made me "STOP and enjoy life more."
I want to make the best of each moment and pray that I am a better person for doing this. Life is short. The "it can never happen to me/us" is not true. It can happen to anyone and I now realize this.
I enjoy each precious moment I have with my loved ones and friends.
I visited and it's so sad. Something I always feared while my kids were young, heck I fear it now. I guess we never lose that worry, then to know people who have had their worry realized. Just painful.
I read it too and had to stop. It's hard to even imagine something happening to one of my kids.
But, I am amazed at her strength and selflessness, as I don't think I would be that way.
I'm at work now, so I will wait until I get home to check out her blog :o) I have come across a few in recent months that make me feel the same way. I just cannot imagine losing a child, and am so in awe of the faith and stregnth of those that have.
I haven't checked out the blog yet, but I definitely plan on it.
I think one of the biggest benefits that our own stories can have is waking up other people and reminding them to appreciate every day and realize that our children are gifts to be treasured.
It hits hard, I read her blog and can't imagine what she is going through. Plus, I googled her daughters name to figure out exactly what happened, and a lot of people in the area where she lives blames her for her daughters death...very sad.
It's gut wrenching and I commend her for writing about it. I lost my son, he was a month and a half though.
For me, my healing process is adoring my children and our newest addition, who looks just like his brother, gets more attention than can be imagined.
The only way I can describe what it felt like to me, losing our son, is raw. It's the rawest feeling I've ever had. I felt like my soul was exposed to the world and it hurt entirely. It's a pain that coats and permeates your entire being.
Thanks for pointing us to that website. Unfortunately, tragic incidents like that are sometimes needed to remind us how lucky we are and how we need to value and appreciate what we have. I can't imagine the pain one must go through when something like that happens. I can't wait to get home to my baby tonight.
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