Thursday, January 22, 2009


I am nursing Ryan. I nursed the other kids as well…I do it for one year and then I give them the boot :) I do it because 1.) it helps me lose weight faster; 2.) it is so much cheaper than formula; 3.) it’s so nice and convenient…I can’t even imagine having to make a bottle in the middle of the night! and 4.) there is a huge nutritional value for the baby. I don’t really get the whole “bonding” thing…I’ve given my kids bottles and I bond with them just as much then as when my boob is in their mouth (and I don’t feel quite so violated which is nice). And yes, at times there is a nice feeling when the baby cries until I hold it and feed it and it really only wants me, but honestly, that’s annoying more times than warm and fuzzy. I have really enjoyed though the “excuse” of having to feed Ryan…sometimes it’s nice to lock myself in my room and watch TV and get away from everyone!

However, I am not the typical “pro-breastfeeding” type of girl. I hate breastfeeding in public (although with my third I’m a lot more apt to do it than I was with Ky or Josh)…I usually go out to the car and feed Ryan if he needs to eat. It also makes me uncomfortable to see other moms nursing…why? I have no idea! I also have no problem giving my kids formula and we stuck bottles and pacifiers in their mouths as soon as they were born. I don’t like feeling trapped…it’s too hard for John and I to go away for a weekend because I’d have to pump every so many hours which is just annoying! And my body is not my own…I go 9 months watching everything that goes into my mouth, and while it’s not even close to as bad (I drink alcohol and am able to take drugs again if I’m sick), it’s still not the same.

And the biggest way I’m not the typical “pro-breastfeeding” girl? I DON’T LOVE DOING IT!!!

Some of that may have to do with the whole pumping-thing. Yes, I pump at work…always have. I’m very lucky in that my body has no problem providing more than enough food for my little babies (my in-laws often joke about how full our freezer always was and gave me a sticker that says “got milk?”). But to take time out of my day (usually 2 or 3 times per day) to sit and pump just sucks!

But I realized I’m not hating it as much this time…and you know why? In the past I’ve always had to load up my stuff and head off to a conference room (at my old job it had a glass door so I had to tape paper all over it to cover it up) and sit there for 10 minutes doing my thing. But now? I have an office! All I have to do is close the door and go to work! I can browse the internet for a few minutes and the time goes by so quickly!

It still doesn’t change how I feel about the whole thing, but at least I’m lucky enough to be able to not have to leave my office anymore to pump! And in the end, I really do it because I believe it’s the best decision for my babies and myself (even if I do complain about it)**. And if anyone out there ever needs advice or has any questions, I do consider myself an expert now :)

**I have absolutely nothing against bottle-fed babies - the decision has to be what's best for each baby and mother/father


ktjrdn said...

It's really nice to have a dedicated place for it. It makes a huge difference. At my job, they have a nursing mother's rom. There is a low table, comfy chair and even a sink to clean up. I still have to pack everything up there, but it's much less stressful.

After nursing my 2 for a year each, I am a lot less sqeamish too. And I understand just what you mean about feeling annoyed about it sometimes. I was thrilled to get my body back to myself after weaning.

Anonymous said...

I may ask some advice when we get closer to actually having future child. I BF Jeffrey but the first three months were exclusively pumping since he was in the NICU. I'm not sure how you go about bf and pumping when your baby comes out on time. (although looking forward to learning) :) With Jeffrey I had three months worth of milk frozen by the time he came home from the hospital.

BUt anyway. I felt the same way, I enjoyed a lot of things about bf but I did NOT love it. I think that kangaroo care (skin to skin) went a lot further toward bonding than the battles we had over my boobs. I'm glad (and proud) of myself for working so hard at it. I do think it's the best thing for your baby but in the end? I was glad it was over and I could have my body back.

Anonymous said...

I didn't breast feed. I knew if I had a hard time with it, it would make me feel like I had failed my child and that wasn't worth it to me.

I have jack to say on the subject, because I didn't do it. I WILL say I think it's awesome for those mothers that do it and I wildly clap for those that say "I do it, but don't love it" like you. It seems every mother I read or have met are all "I LOVE it! It's the BEST thing!" Do they REALLY think that or are they saying it because it's what society EXPECTS them to say.


3XMom said...

Good for you! I have to say, i was the same way. I did bf all three kids and pumped and did all that. I didn't have any problem bf'ing in public - I'd whip it out anywhere. But I never really liked it. It was convenient, but pumping sure wasn't, and being tethered (either to baby or the pump) wasn't. When I found out I was pregnant with my third, I remember saying to my husband - ick!! I don't want to have to pump again!!

Anonymous said...

I BF all three of my children. Especially by the time you get to the third, it IS so much easier!! You don't have to worry about taking formula and bottles when you go out. I agree that it is a lot easier waking up in the middle of the night if you don't have to prepare a bottle!...Losing weight quicker is an added bonus. Although, with my third, the weight hasn't come off quite as easily than with the rest. Maybe it's b/c I'm getting older and have to work harder! :)

Anonymous said...

I BF Emma for 11 months then she went straight to whole milk. Michael got the boob for 8 months. He liked it too much, too often, and I'm not a pumper. Sitting there with that contraption pressed against my boob just felt too 'cow-like' for me. So yeah. He got kicked off and we went straight to formula - and since I've never been a public BF'er that made my life just glorious!

Christy said...

Seriously, reading this post made me laugh, because I swear I could have written it almost word for word. Except substitute 3 kids for 1, well soon to be 2. Sometimes I really think we are long lost sisters ;)

I am glad to hear it did get easier with subsequent kids. Thanks for that.

Kim3278 said...

I understand...I am still nursing Beck and pumping twice a day at work. I have to actually leave my desk and use my lunch and breaks to do it. I wish more companies were more keene on women pumping it would make it so much easier. I felt at least this time around I am a bit more "vocal" about doing it as so too many people don't ask too many questions. I like your blog. I have been trying to do it more often..but I have such a hard time getting things to come out on "paper". LOL

Rachel said...

I tried to breastfeed both of mine. With Kaylie, I just wasn't producing enough to feed her, even with pumping. I ended up switching to formula after about 2 weeks.

Alyssa was a month early, born via c-section. My milk didn't come in as quickly because of the section. Again, I tried pumping and again, my body just wasn't producing enough. It was more than when Kaylie was born, but not enough. I hated that I couldn't bf, but I tried and it just didn't work for us.