Surprise!!!!

About 6 weeks ago I sent John the following e-mail:

“Yesterday in church, when Denny was talking about Sarah and Abraham and how God sent them messages, I was really jealous of the “Bible” people that got clear commands and messages from God. I thought, “how easy it would be to do what you’re supposed to do and be fine with it when it’s coming directly from God! I mean how easy could life get, right?”

I’m not jealous anymore.”

And then I attached the following picture:


I say this because for once I can see how people would doubt God’s plans and question why he wanted them to do something. Because that was what I was doing ever since I saw that second line pop up (which was rather quickly I might add).

We had always thought we had wanted 4 kids. But dealing with three, and the fact that Ryan is getting easier and easier every day, has made us question our original thoughts. We had discussed it off and on, realizing that we didn’t want too much time to pass if we were in fact going to have another one. We both thought that in the future, the picture would not be complete with just three, but I hate being pregnant (which is a known fact), and it’s really hard to have babies around when you have a bunch of older kids that need your attention, or need a diaper change, or need to eat. We did both agree too that we liked the 3 year gap between Josh and Ryan better than the 2 year gap between Kylie and Josh – we were able to enjoy Ryan so much more! So we both agreed that we would come back to the discussions after my sister’s wedding in August, because of course, there’s no way I could be pregnant during that…I already had my bridesmaid dress up in the closet, and there was a bachelorette party to go too…

Apparently God had other, bigger, better plans. I’m good about planning, and therefore, if I didn’t want a baby, I was doing what I should be doing to prevent one. But nothing is going to prevent God from doing what he wants. Therefore, this baby will be the constant lesson to ALL of our children that no birth control is 100%foolproof!

Thankfully, when I told John he was super excited, which helped me a little bit. Even though I feel sick, there are lots of times that I let myself forget about this whole thing. I don’t want to sound like I’m not happy, because babies do make me happy (especially when they’re mine), but they also make me tired; very tired. And right now I have three babies at home that are exhausting me – through no fault of their own…they’re just being normal kids!

I got to see the baby wiggling around and its little heart beating like crazy last week…that made it a little more real for me. But I’m not going to lie…when I was taking care of the kids by myself at John’s brother’s wedding this past weekend, I all but had a major meltdown because I can’t figure out how I’m going to have the patience and energy to take care of 4 kids. But then on the way home John again told me he thought I was a fabulous mother, and reminded me that we are a team, and that neither of us could do this on our own…we have to rely on each other. I definitely felt a lot better…

So now the countdown to January 18, 2011 begins (30 weeks to be exact). And while I doubt my abilities, I must keep remembering that God will take care of me and help me, and if I give all of my worries over to Him, I will be OK.