Tuesday, June 22, 2010


About 6 weeks ago I sent John the following e-mail:

“Yesterday in church, when Denny was talking about Sarah and Abraham and how God sent them messages, I was really jealous of the “Bible” people that got clear commands and messages from God. I thought, “how easy it would be to do what you’re supposed to do and be fine with it when it’s coming directly from God! I mean how easy could life get, right?”

I’m not jealous anymore.”

And then I attached the following picture:

I say this because for once I can see how people would doubt God’s plans and question why he wanted them to do something. Because that was what I was doing ever since I saw that second line pop up (which was rather quickly I might add).

We had always thought we had wanted 4 kids. But dealing with three, and the fact that Ryan is getting easier and easier every day, has made us question our original thoughts. We had discussed it off and on, realizing that we didn’t want too much time to pass if we were in fact going to have another one. We both thought that in the future, the picture would not be complete with just three, but I hate being pregnant (which is a known fact), and it’s really hard to have babies around when you have a bunch of older kids that need your attention, or need a diaper change, or need to eat. We did both agree too that we liked the 3 year gap between Josh and Ryan better than the 2 year gap between Kylie and Josh – we were able to enjoy Ryan so much more! So we both agreed that we would come back to the discussions after my sister’s wedding in August, because of course, there’s no way I could be pregnant during that…I already had my bridesmaid dress up in the closet, and there was a bachelorette party to go too…

Apparently God had other, bigger, better plans. I’m good about planning, and therefore, if I didn’t want a baby, I was doing what I should be doing to prevent one. But nothing is going to prevent God from doing what he wants. Therefore, this baby will be the constant lesson to ALL of our children that no birth control is 100%foolproof!

Thankfully, when I told John he was super excited, which helped me a little bit. Even though I feel sick, there are lots of times that I let myself forget about this whole thing. I don’t want to sound like I’m not happy, because babies do make me happy (especially when they’re mine), but they also make me tired; very tired. And right now I have three babies at home that are exhausting me – through no fault of their own…they’re just being normal kids!

I got to see the baby wiggling around and its little heart beating like crazy last week…that made it a little more real for me. But I’m not going to lie…when I was taking care of the kids by myself at John’s brother’s wedding this past weekend, I all but had a major meltdown because I can’t figure out how I’m going to have the patience and energy to take care of 4 kids. But then on the way home John again told me he thought I was a fabulous mother, and reminded me that we are a team, and that neither of us could do this on our own…we have to rely on each other. I definitely felt a lot better…

So now the countdown to January 18, 2011 begins (30 weeks to be exact). And while I doubt my abilities, I must keep remembering that God will take care of me and help me, and if I give all of my worries over to Him, I will be OK.


Amy W said...


And I think you can totally be a great Mom to 4 kids!

Sherry said...

Congratulations and I agree w/ Amy you will be awesome with 4 kids. Your post well brought tears to my eyes. Happy tears though, your faith and your family is so strong. Then you wrote that John told you that you two are a team, oh geeze, that got to me. Goose bumps, tears of joy and knowing how right he is and how right you are. God does have a plan and that plan is to send another beautiful child to you two. Remember your children are the future and well with all the love and stability they have, it gives me so much faith in the future generation and how great the world will be. You and John playing a huge part in making this place so much better. Love conquers all and girl w/ your family, WOW!!!!

Anonymous said...

You can totally do this. You are an amazing Mama to the three you have now (and John is a fantastic Daddy!).

I, too, am proof that no birth control is 100%. I'm also proof that being on antibiotics for a sinus infection, for 4 months straight, DOES have an impact on birth control working. That's how I ended up where I currently am: 3 days away from having baby #2.

Again, congrats to all of you. Excited to be on another baby journey with you :)

Kim3278 said...

Congratulations!! I'm super excited for you but sad since there will be no scrapbooking weekend in Jan:)
What an awesome God we serve!!! Yeah!!!

Daddy Dan said...

Congrats, Debbie! I'm very happy for you all.

Christy said...

CONGRATS!!!!! I am so happy for you guys!

This is what I get for not reading in months, I feel so incredibly horrible for missing this for so long!

It is funny the debates you guys seem to have been having over the 4th is what we are starting to have over the 3rd! I think we are going to come back to the discussion in the spring though and see where we are. It's funny we seem to alternate being pregnant ;)