Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Issues I'm Dealing With...

I always seem to post about the happy things going on at home, so here is a post on the struggles that we’re having with each of the kids:

Ryan – This little guy is causing us the most headaches right now! John and I joke that had we stopped at two kids, our lives would be so simple due to the sole fact that Kylie and Josh do not have a history of challenging us and pushing our buttons. This is Ryan’s specialty. I have never met such a stubborn 2 year-old in my life! I swear the first word out of his mouth no matter what you tell him to do is “no.” BUT…he is also the most comical and affectionate and I could sit and watch him for hours. I believe God gave him this side of his personality so that we wouldn’t kill him :)

Right now he’s battling us on potty training. After 1 ½ weeks at this, he has yet to tell us he needs to go potty. He does a pretty good job of holding it, and we just need to tell him to go potty every hour or so, otherwise he will go in his pants. And pooping is a completely different story! Our nanny will get him to poop on the potty, but he refuses with John and me. We have thrown away more shorts and underwear this past week than I care to admit (there’s no way I’m keeping those nasty things). And I know (call it mother’s instinct, knowing my child, whatever) that he is playing a mind game with us. I can tell he is perfectly capable of going – when I sit with him in the bathroom and tell him to try he won’t, because he knows he will go (he has “tried” before when he hasn’t had to go, that’s why I know he knows what I want him to do). When I tell people about our potty training issues their first response is that he’s young, and he’s busy and maybe he’s not ready and blah-blah-blah. I would be the first to admit that if I even for a nanosecond thought it was true. But again, I know my little blondie, and I know that this is yet another area he has found where he is trying to beat us…and I’m afraid he’s getting very close :(

Josh – Both Kylie and Joshie went through a period of time, after they had learned to talk pretty well, of stuttering. When Kylie did it I absolutely panicked, especially since she was always our phenomenal talker. But the doctor assured me that all kids do this and it happens because their brains are going faster than their little mouths can spit the words out. Of course this was true and Kylie came out of it, as did Josh…the first time.

Josh then started the stuttering back up. Right after I had Colton I noticed that it had gotten really bad, so at one of Colton’s check-ups I asked the doctor if this was still normal or if I should have him evaluated. She told me at his age it was time to have him looked at. So John and I took him to a speech center and came out of there with a recommendation of ½ hour therapy once a week. I started him up and each week during the rest of my maternity leave I would take him to speech therapy. While his therapist was really nice, she never got him talking about something that excited him in order to bring out the stuttering. See, Josh mainly only stutters when he’s really excited about something, so when you’re just talking to him, you wouldn’t hear it. When my maternity leave ended we went on the waiting list for an evening appointment – and I still haven’t heard anything from them! But at $67 per session (not covered by insurance), I really didn’t miss those therapy sessions. John and I still aren’t convinced that he’s still developing, and that he’ll grow out of this, especially since I believe only 1% of the population stutters. And I never felt like I could trust the speech evaluators...I always felt like even if he was fine they would have told me to keep bringing him so that they could make more money. And I don’t know if I’m becoming desensitized to it or whether he is truly getting better, but I don’t notice it near as much as I used to (I’ve also had people comment that they think it’s getting better as well). Thankfully it has not affected his schoolwork in any way and his friends don’t seem to notice it…yet.

The other issue we’re dealing with in Joshie is his constant whining. The kid is about to turn 6 and he whines at everything! And he cries a lot more than any other little boy I’ve met. I’m learning to accept that he is a lot more sensitive than other kids, but he still needs to learn better ways of dealing with disappointment than crying…at some point kids are really going to start making fun of him! And we’re trying really hard to deal with the whining. I swear even something as simple as “please take out the recycling” starts a huge whine fest.

Kylie – Kylie has decided to start doing something that even I, in all of my childrearing knowledge/experience/research have no idea how to deal with…pulling out her eyelashes. That’s right, at one point a month ago she had no top eyelashes because she had pulled them all out. I have asked her why she does it and she says that she always feels like she has something in her eyes. I have tried rewards, I have tried punishments, and I have tried scaring her by telling her that at some point they won’t grow back. Nothing works. Thankfully, right now, she’s doing better and about ½ of them have grown back. I asked the doctor about it and she recommended that she see a psychologist. While I have no problem with that, I’m assuming that my insurance is not going to cover that, and if this is a problem that we can control, I would rather not spend hundreds of dollars for her to talk to someone at such a young age.

Colton – this little stinker still wakes up twice a night!!! He’s killing me! Thankfully he’s such a good baby when he’s awake that it’s manageable, but I’m one tired momma!

So all of these issues happening at the same time has really taken its toll on me. There are many days that I feel like a failure as a mother, and there are times, briefly, when I wonder if it’s all worth it. My heart and head obviously knows that it is, but my body is tired, and desperately trying to keep up with everything. And I know this is just a season in our lives, and one day I will hopefully look back on this and laugh because we all came out fine on the other side of it, but for right now I’m not laughing, I’m stressing and I’m tired.


Sherry said...

Oh mmm Ican read (hear) the frustration that you have and honestly don't have any words of wisdom. Your children are all individuals and have their own little "quirks" for lack of a better word Kylie pulling her eye lashes out, mmm I have never head that one, but honestly I personally don't believe in phychologist at all. We had our grandson going to one and with no results. It was just a boring hour to him and he had no interest in talking about anything. Not sure if all kids feel that way of course, but really what can a phychologist do? I am wondering if it's just a habit with her now, you know some twirl their hair, etc. I realize it's serious though and pray for your sake and Kylie's the "habit" will stop soon.
The stuttering and whining w/ Joshie, a phase maybe. Having Colton may has just triggered that behavior and soon it will be behind him.
The potty training issues, yep I agree , head games w/ mommmy and daddy. I know I had a devil of a time training my son and grandson, grr something about boys and their stubborn streak I think.
I know you are frustrated and tired, well heck yeah, your busy schedule and all the things your kids are in. You all attend everything and do so much, fatigue is going to take over sooner or later. You are a far cry from a failure of a mom, trust me on that one. I know nothing about the little problems the kids are facing but do know that you are not a failure, you are awesome!!!!! From reading your other posts and now this one, I think everything is just catching up to you and the fact you are tired , it seems huge. Hang in and I know you will have those kids aok in no time. You do all the right things and hopefully soon all will be calm for you.
I feel your frustration and wish I had some answers for you but I don't. I have no clue as to how to stop alot of what you said, but do know I don't want to see you beat yourself up, it's not something you have done wrong, it's part of the kids growing up and dealing with life. Little ones have ways of "stressing" that us older folks have no clue. Are Kylie or Joshie being bullied you think??? Something to check into maybe. Like I said I just don't know, but please please don't ever thing you are a failure, you are far from that. My prayers are with you and know you and your husband will soon have things all AOK!! Hang in.

Kim3278 said...

So feel your pain on the potty training...but you already know my story.

As for the eyelash thing..she will grow out of it...I speak from experience. I also pulled mine out and sometimes, find myself doing it even as an adult. I have tried to step back and figure out why I did it or still do do that, but I don't have an answer. I am fortunate that they have grown back. I used to also cut mine b/c they were so long they would touch my glasses. It ticked my parents off to know end. hang in there. You are a great mom! Phenomenal. Give yourself some credit--you have 4 beautiful children! God is good my friend!