Friday, April 15, 2011

I'm Having Such a Hard Time...

Being a mom is getting more and more difficult for me. Part of it has to do with the fact that the number of children I have to be “Mom” to keeps increasing, and part of it has to do with the fact that my kids, especially my daughter, are getting older.

I feel like I am losing my mind with Kylie. I love her to death and she is my one and only special little girl, but she is driving me nuts! I think part of the problem is that she is too smart for her own good, and she’s always been the sweet, good little girl that never got in trouble, and now that she is not so sweet, she is not handling the getting in trouble part.

She constantly questions why she is supposed to respect adults, but adults don’t have to respect her. Every time we hand out a punishment she questions it, and tries to talk her way out of it. Just this morning she went on and on with me about why John told her she was not allowed to play her DS and it’s not fair that Joshie gets to play his again after she goes to school and blah, blah, blah. I kept telling her that she needed to accept it and move on and to quit asking me to reverse the punishment. I finally got so fed up with her that I told her she could not go to the movies with her friend tonight. This of course sent her into a whirlwind of emotions which included begging me to change my mind to yelling at me because I’m so mean. I left for work knowing that me staying there was just making it worse. She texted me and called me and finally gave up when she realized I was not backing down on this.

I’m worried about how she can be so mean to people at times. I’m worried that I’m failing as a mother. I know in my head that I’m not really failing, but I feel like I’m on my way there. What if I screw this up and she grows up to be the daughter that hates her mom? What if she never wants to have a close relationship with me? Don’t get me wrong, I firmly believe that I’m not there to be my kids’ friend, but I want to have a good relationship and be her friend when she’s grown…

I just wish God would tell me what to do. I wish He would tell me that I’m doing OK and that she will be fine, and remind me that I’m doing this for her own good. I’m quickly learning that I am fabulous with little kids…I can play and love on them until I’m blue in the face! But dealing with older kids is a learning process for me, and I desperately hope I learn fast, because I’m not a very happy mommy right now.


Leah said...

I am having some of the same struggles. Morgan is becoming incredibly quick with a smart mouth; attitude and a whole lot of not listening/doing as asked.

I am not their friend. I am their Mom. It's my job to teach them how to be respectful, kind, etc. I'll be their friend when they're out of my house and making their own rules. It's just so hard. So hard.

Wish I had some advice for you. I'm in the same boat....rowing away next to you.

Anonymous said...

Try and remember that all girls go through an evil phase that can extend anywhere from 11 to 21. It's hormones, it's their brain not being fully developed. It's wanting to be an adult but not knowing how.
Try and take a deep breath and just push through. I don't have any good advice (since I'm not there yet but can already see it in the 2 year olds eyes).
Sorry it's so hard... hugs!