Friday, September 05, 2008

It's Not Just About ME...

With my first pregnancy I found a great message board that I was a part of… “Due in May 2003.” I learned a lot from the moms that already had kids and was able to voice my fears about being a first time mom. With my second pregnancy I viewed the “Due in June 2005” board, but I never participated, because honestly, I couldn’t handle all the dumb questions and wacko answers that were being thrown around.

With this pregnancy I again found a set of boards, “Due in October 2008” and have lurked there for a while. I swear the people have gotten even crazier and even more full of drama. But there was a post yesterday that really set me off, so I thought I would talk about it here, where I’m allowed to be apparently in the minority.

This poor lady who was about to be a first time mom asked a question about “FTM (first time mom) snobbiness.” She said that a really good friend and coworker just had her baby and fell off the face of the earth. No e-mail to let everyone know everything was OK, and completely ignored this lady’s calls, e-mails and texts. The only reason she knew that the lady had the baby was because she had posted something on her facebook. Almost every comment that came in told this lady “just wait until you have your baby, you’ll lock yourself in your house too,” or “when I had my baby, I turned off all my ringers and ignored everyone for three weeks” and so on.

I’m honestly shocked by this. I understand that having a baby as this huge deal that takes such a toll on your body and that you need so much rest right away, but to go to these extremes? Give me a break! I’ve been through this twice now, and yes, it’s not easy to pop a baby out, but I also know that life goes on! And especially with other little ones at home…I can’t act like my life is hanging on by a thread just because I had a baby. And I also know that there are definitely circumstances where these actions might be necessary…but these women responding were talking about normal births with no absurd complications.

And the thing that really got me was the cutting off everyone from the outside world. Personally, I have had so many people supporting me through this pregnancy. People ask me everyday how I’m feeling, how the baby’s doing. This isn’t just about me…there are many people on this journey with me! So how rude it would be of me to just shut them out the first few weeks…I think some of them are almost as excited as I am about this baby!

So while I understand people have different thoughts, I personally don’t want to be left alone when I have this baby. I love all the visitors in the hospital. I love the visits at home. I love the meals that have been lovingly prepared for me during those first few weeks. I just produced a fantastic little life, and I want to brag about it and show the world!

So you had better believe I will have pictures up right away. And if you live by me, feel free to stop by…while I might be moving a little slower, my life will be continuing on as normal!


Anonymous said...

I'm completely with you. I mean when we had Jeffrey I definitely had days where I didn't want to talk to anyone but my mom but that meant that I would post to the blog instead of making fifty phone calls. I will admit that to some of our "outer circle" of friends, I fell off the planet. But only because they were the people that we only talked every few months or so anyway.
If I were this woman and I had a good friend that wasn't returning calls etc. I would be worried that she was maybe suffering from some post partum issues. I know that all of our friends that have recently had children; I give them a week or so and then go over and see what I can do to make it less overwhelming for them.
I know I really appreciated all the help and concern we got with Jeffrey and I'm looking forward to it with the next one.

On another note. I did the same thing with Jeffrey, I read the boards and participated. This time, people seem so petty and ask such ridiculous questions. I'm all for getting someone else's point of view but for goodness sake, sometimes just google it or ask your doc. :)

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with you. I WANTED people around me, I WANTED the phone calls and e-mails. It was great to know people were thinking of me and wanted to see us and the baby.

If gas wasn't $3.70 a gallon, I'd totally take a road trip to come see you after the baby is born. Of course, I still may ;)

daddy dan said...

Maybe that new mother was going through post partum depression or something. You have the right attitude, Debbie. I'm only the daddy, but I couldn't wait to show off Babito and loved getting calls of congratulations and visits.

And yes, people should stay away from those pregnancy message boards. There's some real wackos on there with bad advice!

Sherry said...

I am so with you, CELEBRATE the new life you just gave. Some people just like the drama and think they are the only ones in the world that has had a baby!!!
For me too much drama in the world today, just enjoy life to the fullest and keep a positive attitude!!!!

Julie said...

I hear you and for me, I wanted people around. Especially with baby number 2 - because they helped entertain our oldest! : )

Jillian, Inc. said...

I agree. I needed all the help I could get. I will never forget Sunday School members bringing dinner every night for a week right after we got home. HEAVEN! (and the food was so good!). I loved your last line about moving a little slower. Isn't that the truth- ha! I felt like I'd been hit by a truck those first few days.